Nice try, keep it up and you'll do better stuff in no time.

The VN engine interface looks clunky as hell tho, I'd suggest finding something a bit more... Up to date. You already use DAZ Stuff so spending a few bucks in a copy of TyranoBuilder (naming that one as an example) shouldn't be too much of a big deal.
Either that or spending a bit of time getting some basic stuff together to fix what you have up a bit.

Also you might want to check on the music you used, 5-second loops get annoying FAST.